NYSC stories #1

Hey Hoomans

In my I’M BACK post i told y’all that  i went to an orientation camp in Sokoto state for three weeks.

I did not take my journal with me instead i wrote on my phone. Its dated because i wanted to remember every fucking thing that happened.

23/04/2018

I broke a blood vessel in my nose and i bled like the river Jordan. I have never had a nosebleed before, i was scared because i thought dear God my time is finally here death by bleeding nose. Turns out that the weather was too hot( 43-46C daily) and there was zero humidity my nose was dry as fuck. i called my brother and he said to apply pressure on it and rub vassline inside my nose. I LIVED!!!!

24/04/2018

For the love of pies and donuts i hope you are not eating when you read this, because its about to get shitty, literally. I pooped in a bucket..Yup you read right, i pooped in a muthafucking bucket. So what happened was i went the toilet the day i got to camp and holy shit, i almost threw up it was NASTY as fuck. I sent a text message to my family that my poop went back up as soon as i saw the toilet.

But mother nature was determined to cleanse my system and so on this day i was pressed, and there was a small bucket that was sold in the market. I did the deed and i was a changed human being forever. I am forever scared. But wait….there’s more coming soon.

25/04/2018

This day the short fermented beer stomach of a camp director made me cry. The little shit threatened to decamp me because according to him i was disobedient. What happened was that morning he sent us into the hall and it was stuffy because there were many of us and we could not fit in, so some of us came outside. The next time he saw me i was out siting on a stone bench because there was no fucking sit out in the open sun and he took my tag to be a freaking douche. When i went to collect it from him he just rephrased the story in front of his colleagues and tries to make me look like the bad guy. I was so angry tears where coming out from my eyes.  I was forced to say sorry and i almost punched him so i stomped out of his office.

27/04/2018

They was a sand storm and we were out practicing for our parade. Sand entered places of my  places that i did not know existed on my body. Oh and because we had to wear all white ( socks, trainers, shorts and t-shirts) every fucking day, i was brown because muthafucking SANDSTORM ( DARUDE SANDSTORM).

28/04/2018

I swallowed a fucking fly. Sokoto state has flies every fucking where. so while i was on the field ( of hot sand mind you) i was talking to someone and in popped a fly. i spat it out and saw it wiggling. i almost threw up. Again for the love of sweet potatoes i hope you are not eating and reading this.

29/04/2018

I cooked with firewood for the first time and my eyes looked like i had smoked weed for a whole day.

 

Stay tuned the final part is coming…ooo and yes there more pooping so be warned.

Yours

Booked Unicorn

3 thoughts on “NYSC stories #1

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