NYSC Stories 2

Here’s a continuation of NYSC Stories, the last part. At this point i was itching to get out of this place, i was sick and tired of everything. And the worst part was i was now adapting to this place, how did i know this? I stopped drinking water every two minutes, i could now go for AN HOUR without drinking water. OH HELL FUCKING NO!!!

So here’s what happened for the remaining time i stayed there.

At some point they started giving us our allowance ( also know as allawae),  #1500, #1800 and #19800 naira. So we had to be careful because the kleptomaniacs had been woken up by the smell of money.  The administration decided that we had to go for  COMPULSORY social gathering  EVERY FUCKING NIGHT so that people would not be in the hostel leaving less chance for stealing. It was a nightmare, when all i wanted to do was sleep, these people dragged me out every evening to be ”social”. We even had a fucking bonfire night that was absolutely boring because people were tired and all we wanted was our beds.

We had a disastrous carnival, my platoon was absolute shite because no one gave a damn about what we were meant to do and the leaders were also shitty too.

I schooled a misogynistic asshole on why women need to be whole before entering a relationship but that’s another post for another day.

Back to the dates on my Journal:


Well in my last  post i did warn you there would be more poop. And yes here it is poop, i poop in a pit toilet for the first time in my life and hopefully the last. So they sent us out to the parade grounds to wait for some idiotic director general who ended up sending his representative. Now this asshole did not keep to the time and so we waited for 3 MUTHAFUCKING HOURS under the sun (46 c). We were not allowed to go back inside the hostel and there was no shade for me to sit down under. And then my stomach decided this was the perfect time to destroy me. ( keep in mind the description of our hostel toilets i told you in the last post). So i asked around and i was shown a pit toilet and bless Jah it was clean and there was water..so HALLELUJAH!!!

Now on my way back two soldiers stopped me and gave me a lecture on why i was smiling. Well i couldn’t exactly tell them that i just pooped so i said nothing, the thing is at camp i was always smiling even when things were hard, its my coping mechanism i can’t help it. So they nicknamed me smiler, they where nice guys. I did call them green chickens to be fair they called me a white chicken( because we always wore white in camp).


I did my Man O’ war drill and i fucking aced it. Now as a big chica, people were expecting me to cry and not finish any of my drills. We had to climb a high rope, a 12 feet wall with a whole team of people to carry me thank fuck, an 8 feet wall, crawl in a barrel and under barbed wires. There were sit ups, jump ups and Tarzan swinging. Yes your unicorn here gracefully finished every fucking challenge with a smile on her face.( little did they know i had finished a spartan race and a half marathon before this).



We had a marching competition and I DID NOT FUCKING KNOW. I honestly thought it was a dress rehearsal,  i saw the trophies  my ass still thought it was a REHEARSAL until i saw a three star army general. And so i thought to myself HOLY FUCK WE ARE SCREWED!!!. See my platoon was not the most cooperating, we bickered (well they not me cause i mostly kept quiet just watching) at every chance even before we started the competition we were still arguing about who is not marching well and what not. Well we came out sixth, so meh!!


WOHOOO the end of the fucking camp. we had to be up at 3 am in the morning to hand in our beds and take our boxes out. And you ask why 3 am? well sweetie its because about 2000 corpers were on a long ass line trying to do the same thing. After three hours in line, we finally got our dropped the beds got our ID cards and then proceeded to the parade ground for the closing ceremony. We also had to wait ANOTHER THREE FUCKING HOURS because Nigerian dignitaries don’t know how to keep to time.

After that we went to stay in a dingy ass hotel, this hotel looked like a one stop for scary shit to happen but it was cheap. So i stayed the night.


Last day in Sokoto State, yup i was right the hotel turned out to be the site out many armed robberies and weird activities that’s what my mum’s friend that came to pick me up said. He was really angry, he thought something happened to me while i was staying there but i was good.

Let me tell you from the bed sheets to the bathroom to the AC everything in that hotel was HELLA WRONG. I just thank Jah i came out of it unscathed.

I got on the flight back to Abuja( after a three hour delay, seriously whats up with everyone delaying me three hours?) and when i got home hugged my bed and my laptop and promised to make shit better in my life because my children will not be doing this shit called NYSC( Nigerian Youth Service corps).


That’s all i hope you enjoyed this little adventure of mine. Be sure to share and leave a comment below. Read my other stuff and just spread the rainbow around will ya.


Booked Unicorn.


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