Yesterday i woke up anxious.
Now i would normally write to calm myself down, but there was no coming down from it. I don’t know what caused it but throughout the day i felt out of place, in my house and in my head.
I thought i needed a good cry but then nothing came out of my eyes. Even as i write this i am still trying to figure out whats wrong. Maybe i will find out once the day is over.
Maybe its a combination of things i have been worrying about
- my faith i’m a Christian, these days i find myself questioning a lot of things
- I still stay in my parents house and i feel like a failure, i feel like i should be doing something more but i don’t know what ”more” is
- my sexuality
I think about these things often but not to the degree that i wake up with my heart beating out of my chest and short breaths.
I know i should talk to someone but if you’ve read my earlier posts you will know that i can’t really talk to anyone around me about this, that’s why i write.
This sucks, big time.
I feel like my brain is saying this is payback for being too happy. I haven’t felt like this in a while, i thought everything was fine. Now its like going back to square one and i hate that route.
I don’t know how to make it stop, that’s the part that irks me the most. I wish there was an off button somewhere.
I hope it gets better tho. because honestly.