And we are back to square one

I feel weird and i am going to try my best to describe it. 

I want to read but i can’t seem to pick up a book, i had to force myself to write this so that i can process my head.

 maybe i am too much in my feelings?

Lately i have been thinking about my blog and its like i don’t enjoy writing anymore which is bad because i don’t want to give this up. I started this blog because of my love for books. And now i just feel like its absolutely generic, i even questioned if i really love reading? I know!! I just feel like crap because i set out to do this and now it seems like i am giving up on it.

maybe i put to much pressure on myself?

Look i know i may not have the best review style out here and sometimes when i read my past posts i’m convinced my evil Unicorn wrote it.

At this time i would say i am taking a break from my blog but i don’t even know what i am taking a break for when i have not written as much as i would like to.

Or maybe i’m not as creative as i thought i was?

I am still on the hunt for a professional logo and at one point i was happy to get one, i looked around for a professional one but then the price had me thinking twice. And don’t get me wrong i would love to pay the artist their full money because i looked through their portfolio and i saw the awesomeness they created. But i don’t have any money and this makes me angry at myself a lot. the fact that i am a 23 year old adult living in my parents house and i haven’t achieved anything. I don’t like asking my parents for money because the have done enough for me and right now they just need to plan their retirement funds. I am working at a place that absolutely demotivates me and i cannot leave until my one year service  is over. 

I feel like picking my skin, i don’t know why but that’s just some weird state i am in right now.

At one point it felt like everything was coming together, i’m working on my plans and being productive and shit. but now its all coming apart, i have that feeling of i am not doing enough to get were i want to.

 

I just needed to get that out of my chest. and process whats going on in my head.

As always spread rainbows, even when it seems dark i promise i’m trying to do that here.

Booked unicorn

P.s: lemme know if you guys ever feel like this.

 

2 thoughts on “And we are back to square one

  1. I went through something similar, especially in regards to reading and my own blog, recently. I had to plan a certain timed out hiatus where I examined what was making me unhappy about my blogging and reading. When I came back, I started completely differently. I started reviewing more than just books. I started doing television shows, movies, whatever I wanted. I also recognized I was reading books, I didn’t want to read! I was reading them because of the community. Once I realized that I was able to realign my reading to what I personally enjoyed and I started reading more mystery types and added graphic novels for review. These were additions that I made during a time when I was about to give up on blogging entirely. I pushed through because I loved talking about books, but I had to find the heart of it again. I had to find what works for me and not what I think everyone wants. If you want to continue your blog, I think you need to do this as well. I think you can and I have extreme hope in that you will find your own voice. Keep your head up and don’t think because you haven’t reached some self-imposed idea of where you should be that you are a not achieving things. It took me until the age of where I am at now (my late 30s) to start feeling any sense of accomplishment in my life. It can take time. You got this, trust me. One step at a time. (I know you didn’t ask for this long rant, but I hope it helps you in some way.)

    Like

    • Thank you. I needed that and no comment is ever too long for me. I think i will take sometime off after my next post and really think about what it is i want to write. I love writing but i just don’t want to post mediocre content for the sake of posting. Thanks for reading and commenting 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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